Faith!

17 weeks 4 days
Well, lets go back to the week Daniels family came down from New Mexico. It was a very eventful and fun weekend. My mother in law, sister in law and her two kids arrived Wednesday after noon. A few hours after my last post, I believe. They stayed the night here and then the next eveing my father in law, brother in law and HIS wife and child arrived. Daniel has two sisters and one brother. His oldest sister lives down here with us. Everybody else lives in NM. With my family lol. Anyways, his other sister, Bethany went to stay with Deyonka, while MIL, DIL, and BIL and his wife and daughter stayed with uus. We didnt really do much on Friday. Well, maybe we did lol. Friday was the day of my byopsy. Deyonka, and Bethany and crew came over at about 9 in the morning and everyone set to making breakfast. My older sister and husband are friends with Daniels brother DJ and his wife. (My sister used to live in NM also, until last summer). So she came over to visit just as Daniel and I were leaving for the byopsy.
We arrived at the hospital and immediatly got prepped for the procedure. I had to take my shirt off (I had a gown to wear) and lie down on the the bed. Two doctors came in and introduced theirselves and told Daniel and I what to expect. He said that they would numb my throat first with the anesthetic needle and then, using an ultrasound, guide a tiny needle into the nodule and remove fluid. He explained that after the numbing process ("Simply a little sting and burn...") that I wouldnt be able to feel a thing. I am of course freaking out. He was talking about waaay too many needles for my taste! So they numb my throat, and after that Daniel isnt allowed to touch anything around the area. Not my gown, shoulders, or the paper they put over my throat. I am slowly feeling myself panic as the time gets closer for him to put the needle in to numb me. (The assistant was just holding the ultrasound probe while the doctor did the actual procedure). He starts the numbing process and OH MY GOD it was more than a tiny sting and burn! It hurt like crap! It stung ALOT and burned ALOT! To the point to where I began to whimper from the pain! After what seemed like eternity, he was finally done. I was instructed not to swallow while he stuck the needle in to draw the fluid. He did it three different times, and each time I just squeezed the mess out of Daniels hand and concentrated on not swallowing. It was harder than it seems! I had to get on to Daniel cuz, since I was facing him, I could see him making faces as he was watching the procedure. He was freaking my out! Any ways, the whole thing probably lasted about 20 minutes and then we were done! I was told that I would get the results by the following Tuesday. My throat was pretty tender for about 2 days afterwards! Well, we went back to the house. My sister was still there and she ended up leaving a few hours later. After that. we went to the movies then to my FILs sisters house. (She also lives down here). Then we all went home. Saturday was the party for Nany so we spent most of the day preparing for it. It turned out to go as planned and Nany really enjoyed it. We all went to her church the next morning to close out the weekend. Everyone left later Sunday afternoon. All in all, good family time. Daniel and I are one of the lucky couples who actually get along with there in laws lol. It helps that our parents were friends before we even met! :)
Anyways, I got a call Tuesday that the doctor wanted to meet in person to discuss the results of the byopsy. This was very rattling as I had been told that I would be either given the results over the phone or in person. So, we knew that something was going on. We met with the doctor this past Thursday, the 16th. He told us that they basically cannot tell just from a byopsy that the nodule is or isnt cancerous. The pathologist didnt see cancerous cells, but there were some suspicous ones that caused some concern. Doing another byopsy wouldnt do any good. My only option would be to have it removed and looked at that way. That will require me being put the sleep which isnt good to do while pregnant, so the surgery will have to be done after I have the baby. I have another ultrasound in a month just to make sure that the nodule isnt getting bigger, but until the surgery, there is nothing that can be done. If the nodule turns out to be thyroid cancer, they might have to remove my entire thyroid! But, there is an 85% chance that it isnt cancer, and a 15% chance that it could be. Either way, removing the nodule is the only way to find out.
I was not happy about this news at all! In fact I was very angry! I didnt understand why I have to go through something like this after just having lost my baby. I wanted to be able to go throught this pregnancy with absolutely no worries. Last pregnancy, I wondered if my baby was going to die in utero. This time, I have to wonder if I have thyroid cancer! I couldnt even pray to God about it because I had no words. I could tell Daniel how I felt because he seemed so positive about it and I couldnt understand how he could be? But, last night he talked to me like only he can. He helped me to see that God is faithful. He has proven that to me my whole life. Everything that happens in this life for a Christian works together for the good. He helped me to see that everything that I go through is another oppurtunity for me to be used by God and to show me just how powerful He is. I am learning to have faith beyond my situation. Even though, we have suffered a great loss, I STILL know who God is. I know that He will show Himself strong in this situation just like He did with Jarrett. Its all about faith. Now, I can see the value of knowing Him. I am excited about learning more about Him and learning all that He has for me to do in ministry and also about the authority that He has given me through His son, Jesus. The authorithy to speak those things that are not as though they were. And the authority over the enemy, who wants to destroy me. I trust that the Lord is keeping me. He loves me. He is watching out for me and holding me in the palm of His hand. He is there for me. Through the darkness that I may feel, He is there to guide me through with gentleness. I will be ok. I will be fine. I will trust and have complete and utter faith in Him.

Meanwhile, we find out what we are having this Thursday the 23rd!!!! Daniel and my mom are back on their "Youre having twins kick," because I was telling them how I never feel the baby in the middle of my stomach like with Jarrett. I will feel the baby about 4 inches to the right of my belly button, and sometimes a few seconds later on the left and vice versa. I was wondering how fast the baby can swim over to each side lol. After I got my mom to stop saying its twins, finally she said that its probably because the baby has so much room in there that he/she is swimming all over the place. I really want a girl now and D does too! my next update will be about the ultrasound!!! Till then Blessings!

Update

16 weeks
I had my doctors appointment on Monday and everything looks good. My weight gain looks good and the babys heartbeat was 160. Dr wanted to schedule me for an ultrasound with the high risk doctor that diagnosed Jarrett. But, I refused. We dont know if this baby has the same syndrome so there is no point in us going there. I want a regular ultrasound first, and IF there is something to be concerned about, then we can go to him. I still dont have the date for my ultrasound yet. My doctors nurse, Rhonda is going to call me back with the date. I asked if I could be scheduled for next week, but Dr said that it would be better to just wait until at least 18 weeks. Ugh, so I guess I gotta wait two more weeks.
Daniels whole family from New Mexico are here in town for a birthday party for the grandmother. So, I will have houseguests for a while. I think they will be here for a week. Thats all to update for now. :)

Im tired!!!

15 weeks 3 days
Im so tired. Im so tired. Im so TIRED
In case you didnt get the msg. Im tired. This pregnancy has made me way more exausted then last time. I never want to to do ANYthing! Where is that good ol second trimester energy stuff? I need some of that! I havent been doing much of anything this week, but still so wore out. I just want to sleep till the baby gets here!! Speaking of the growth in my stomach, I think I have been feeling movement already. Well, actually Im pretty sure of it. I am 97% positive that its the baby. I cant wait to be able to feel her/him with my hand. I have a doctors appt this Monday. Hopefully, I will be able to set my ultrasound appt for the following week. For a few days, I allowed myself to give in to the anxiety I have been experiencing. It was at the 18 week ultrasound with Jarrett that we found out about his condition. So, I have been a bit nervous along with my excitement. But, I know that worrying is of the devil and not of God. Its not going to get me anywhere, so there is no point in doing it. I put my complete and total trust in the Lord. I believe with all my heart that I will have a beautiful, healthy baby in my arms by Thanksgiving. I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for me and my family. He never turned his back on me. He was there in the midnight hour when I needed him the most. Surrounding me with his peace, grace, and love. I will never leave Him.
But, I am definetly showing for sure now. But my belly looks weird to me lol. Its very full at the bottom but more flat at the top. The weird thing is my belly button is sticking out so far! Ugh, I wanna tape it down or something! I am wearing the maternity pants that were to small for me last time already. I would show pictures my stupid camerea on my phone is broken. I probably will eventually get my actual camera out and snap a few shots. I have been too lazy to find the usb cord that it comes with. :/