Faith!

17 weeks 4 days
Well, lets go back to the week Daniels family came down from New Mexico. It was a very eventful and fun weekend. My mother in law, sister in law and her two kids arrived Wednesday after noon. A few hours after my last post, I believe. They stayed the night here and then the next eveing my father in law, brother in law and HIS wife and child arrived. Daniel has two sisters and one brother. His oldest sister lives down here with us. Everybody else lives in NM. With my family lol. Anyways, his other sister, Bethany went to stay with Deyonka, while MIL, DIL, and BIL and his wife and daughter stayed with uus. We didnt really do much on Friday. Well, maybe we did lol. Friday was the day of my byopsy. Deyonka, and Bethany and crew came over at about 9 in the morning and everyone set to making breakfast. My older sister and husband are friends with Daniels brother DJ and his wife. (My sister used to live in NM also, until last summer). So she came over to visit just as Daniel and I were leaving for the byopsy.
We arrived at the hospital and immediatly got prepped for the procedure. I had to take my shirt off (I had a gown to wear) and lie down on the the bed. Two doctors came in and introduced theirselves and told Daniel and I what to expect. He said that they would numb my throat first with the anesthetic needle and then, using an ultrasound, guide a tiny needle into the nodule and remove fluid. He explained that after the numbing process ("Simply a little sting and burn...") that I wouldnt be able to feel a thing. I am of course freaking out. He was talking about waaay too many needles for my taste! So they numb my throat, and after that Daniel isnt allowed to touch anything around the area. Not my gown, shoulders, or the paper they put over my throat. I am slowly feeling myself panic as the time gets closer for him to put the needle in to numb me. (The assistant was just holding the ultrasound probe while the doctor did the actual procedure). He starts the numbing process and OH MY GOD it was more than a tiny sting and burn! It hurt like crap! It stung ALOT and burned ALOT! To the point to where I began to whimper from the pain! After what seemed like eternity, he was finally done. I was instructed not to swallow while he stuck the needle in to draw the fluid. He did it three different times, and each time I just squeezed the mess out of Daniels hand and concentrated on not swallowing. It was harder than it seems! I had to get on to Daniel cuz, since I was facing him, I could see him making faces as he was watching the procedure. He was freaking my out! Any ways, the whole thing probably lasted about 20 minutes and then we were done! I was told that I would get the results by the following Tuesday. My throat was pretty tender for about 2 days afterwards! Well, we went back to the house. My sister was still there and she ended up leaving a few hours later. After that. we went to the movies then to my FILs sisters house. (She also lives down here). Then we all went home. Saturday was the party for Nany so we spent most of the day preparing for it. It turned out to go as planned and Nany really enjoyed it. We all went to her church the next morning to close out the weekend. Everyone left later Sunday afternoon. All in all, good family time. Daniel and I are one of the lucky couples who actually get along with there in laws lol. It helps that our parents were friends before we even met! :)
Anyways, I got a call Tuesday that the doctor wanted to meet in person to discuss the results of the byopsy. This was very rattling as I had been told that I would be either given the results over the phone or in person. So, we knew that something was going on. We met with the doctor this past Thursday, the 16th. He told us that they basically cannot tell just from a byopsy that the nodule is or isnt cancerous. The pathologist didnt see cancerous cells, but there were some suspicous ones that caused some concern. Doing another byopsy wouldnt do any good. My only option would be to have it removed and looked at that way. That will require me being put the sleep which isnt good to do while pregnant, so the surgery will have to be done after I have the baby. I have another ultrasound in a month just to make sure that the nodule isnt getting bigger, but until the surgery, there is nothing that can be done. If the nodule turns out to be thyroid cancer, they might have to remove my entire thyroid! But, there is an 85% chance that it isnt cancer, and a 15% chance that it could be. Either way, removing the nodule is the only way to find out.
I was not happy about this news at all! In fact I was very angry! I didnt understand why I have to go through something like this after just having lost my baby. I wanted to be able to go throught this pregnancy with absolutely no worries. Last pregnancy, I wondered if my baby was going to die in utero. This time, I have to wonder if I have thyroid cancer! I couldnt even pray to God about it because I had no words. I could tell Daniel how I felt because he seemed so positive about it and I couldnt understand how he could be? But, last night he talked to me like only he can. He helped me to see that God is faithful. He has proven that to me my whole life. Everything that happens in this life for a Christian works together for the good. He helped me to see that everything that I go through is another oppurtunity for me to be used by God and to show me just how powerful He is. I am learning to have faith beyond my situation. Even though, we have suffered a great loss, I STILL know who God is. I know that He will show Himself strong in this situation just like He did with Jarrett. Its all about faith. Now, I can see the value of knowing Him. I am excited about learning more about Him and learning all that He has for me to do in ministry and also about the authority that He has given me through His son, Jesus. The authorithy to speak those things that are not as though they were. And the authority over the enemy, who wants to destroy me. I trust that the Lord is keeping me. He loves me. He is watching out for me and holding me in the palm of His hand. He is there for me. Through the darkness that I may feel, He is there to guide me through with gentleness. I will be ok. I will be fine. I will trust and have complete and utter faith in Him.

Meanwhile, we find out what we are having this Thursday the 23rd!!!! Daniel and my mom are back on their "Youre having twins kick," because I was telling them how I never feel the baby in the middle of my stomach like with Jarrett. I will feel the baby about 4 inches to the right of my belly button, and sometimes a few seconds later on the left and vice versa. I was wondering how fast the baby can swim over to each side lol. After I got my mom to stop saying its twins, finally she said that its probably because the baby has so much room in there that he/she is swimming all over the place. I really want a girl now and D does too! my next update will be about the ultrasound!!! Till then Blessings!