Almost 2 weeks old!!!!

I just wanted to checkin and let everyone know how were are doing. I am looooving my life right now lol. Sleep and I have become distant acquaintances! But, I love spending time with my baby so I dont even care!! He is nursing so well that I am shocked! I had so many problems exclusively pumping that I expected some while EB and nope! None!! Its been sooooo easy that I have found myself actually waiting to get painfully engorged or thrush! LOL, Tre' is such a pig!! He loves to eat!! And he is gaining weight very well. He is was 6lbs 12 oz 19in at birth and is now 7lbs 8oz 19 1/2in. My family (from both sides) is down for Thankgsgiving and right now he is new name is ROTTEN!
We have already had a couple of funny episodes. For example: One morning Daniel was changing his diaper and all of a sudden started shouting for me to come back to the nursery. I get back there and he shows me these little crystal looking things in the diaper. There was a TON of them! No joke, we thought that he was peeing them! Like. 'OMG did those come out of him!???
I immediately took a pic cuz I was about to send it to my mom. Then called the on call pediatrician. He listened to me explain what we saw then....silence. "Um...hello?" I said. Then he proceeded to tell me that some diapers CHRYSTALIZE THE URINE!!!!!! UGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!We felt soooo stupid!!!!!! Our friends all made fun of us when we told them LOL. I told them that as many times somebody felt like they needed to tell us what the best diaper brand was, SOMEBODY should have MENTIONED, "Hey some brands chrystalize the urine, so dont be shocked when you open the diaper and find tiny ROCKS in it!!!!!!!!" LOL. aaaaaaah fun times!
Anyways, more pics!

The 'Hawk

First Doctors appt

Be still my melting heart!

He put his own hand there!!

He's Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the birth story of  Daniel Jarrett Brown III aka Tre'

At my doctors appointment on Wed Nov 9th, my doctor checked me and found out that I was 4 cm dilated 80% effaced and at -1 station. She stripped my membranes and said that she bet that I would have him by that Friday, Nov 11. She even put 5 dollars on it lol. We were very excited with this new and called all close family members and friends and told them that it might be soon! Daniel and I went home and decided that just in case he comes tonight, we should get some last minute stuff done. I finished a paper for school, and he cleaned up the studio/office. He started a new at home job working as an At Home Advisor for Apple products! He basically works on things like Ipad, Mac, etc. They sent him a brand new 21" Mac and everything to get started, so he worked on that and then helped me clean the house. We decided to go walking at the mall to see if we could get things rolling. After that we went home, I took a shower and we settled down for the evening and literally counted the minutes and hours until labor started lol. I had been having contractions off and on since I had walked that previous Sunday. By the way, the Celebration turned out to be wonderful! We got tons of diapers and wipes and collected a little over 300 dollars in gift cards! Ok back to the story. I sat on my yoga ball and timed every single contraction to see if I could see them getting regular or closer. My doctor had told me that once they are every 5 minutes, come right in because she didnt think that I would labor long at all. Well, they never got to five minutes apart. Instead, I noticed at 6:42 they started coming every 2 minutes on the dot. This is what happened to me when I went into labor with Jarrett, so I thought that surely this was it. After timing for an hour, I told Daniel that I thought this was it! We had already had our bags in the car, so we packed up last minute items such as toothbrush, toothpaste and headed out the door at 7:50. On the way the hospital, the contractions slowed down to 4 minutes apart. But, by the time we arrived at the hospital at 8:02 and  were in the Triage after getting checked in they were doing 2-4 minutes apart. The nurse checked me and I was still the same as I was earlier that day. They also monitored me for about 20 minutes and saw the contractions 2-4 minutes apart so she said to go walk for about an hour. She wasnt sure if they would admit me until I came back.  I walked the stairs and when I came back, she said that my doctor had called to check on something. The nurse told her that she had one of my patients potentially in labor, and she immediately guessed it was me! Lol. She told them to go ahead and admit me. That was around 10 pm. I told friends and family and we prepared to have a baby!!! Little did we know that it was going to be a long hall lol. After sitting on the ball for a couple hours, I was checked again at around 12 and was 5 cm. After that, my contractions seemed to pretty much die down just like they had been for the past few days. I was highly upset! I got checked again at 1am and was still the same. The nurses told me that I wasnt in labor just yet but my body was on its way. My doctor told me to go ahead and keep me over night and if things didnt speed up by the morning, they would give me a low dosage of pitocin to see if that would help. NOTHING HAPPENED THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!! My contractions slowed down to being very irregular! I tried to sleep but couldnt cuz I was too upset lol. But, around 9:30 that next morning, they put me on a low dosage of pitocin and the contractions immediately regulated and began coming around 2 minutes apart again. They were pretty intense and I had to do some breathing to manage the pain. I sat on the ball and placed my head in Daniels neck (he sat in a chair and would bend over each contraction to help me lol. His poor back) They came and checked me at 1010 and I was still a 5 and 90% effaced. As she was checking me, she broke my water. OMG thats when I felt like each contraction was like someone was sawing my back in half!!!!! The contractions had picked up to about 1-2 minutes apart by then and I couldnt stand it!!!!! Each contraction it was getting really difficult to breath through them. Through both of my labors, I never made a sound through the contractions because I wanted to concentrate on breathing. These contractions were painful enough to make me want to scream through them!!! MAN! I had wanted to go as long as I could without the epidural, but shoot! after about 30 minutes of dealing with those I said I wanted it NOW. Luckily, the anesthesiologist was on his way to a c-section and came within 10 minutes of me requesting it. After, I got the epidural, it was
BLESSED RELIEF!!!! I felt like I could fly and dance and kiss everybody!! AAAAmazing!
After that, things sped up rather quickly. I got checked at 11:20 and was 6 cm. I had a few friends and family there so we just kicked it, played games, talked etc. At 12:18 I was checked and was 8 cm. We got really excited because she said that he was also really low! My sister had left earlier to run an errand, and I wanted her in the room with Daniel and I since my mom wasnt able to make it. I called her and told her that I was 8 cm and she said she would be there asap. The nurse came in around and to check on me at and I made mention of the fact that I felt sort of nauseous. She asked me if I felt any pressure, and I told her no real pressure like I had to poop but I did feel something down there. She decided to check me to see if anything had changed. This was at 12:48, 30 minutes after my last check where I was an 8. She gasped and said, "OMG, he is right there! Its time to have a baby! AAAAAAAAH
She rushed everyone except Daniel out the room and paged the doctor. The nurses all came in to get ready for the delivery. As they were doing so, my sister came in and I got on to her for barely making it! I wanted to see the birth throught the mirror so they brought one out. The nurse pulled my left leg up on the stirrup, then started to do the same thing with my right leg, but immediately put it back down on the bed. "Omg, his head is right there!! Where the heck is the doctor!!" My doctor finally came running in at 12:58. She threw her stuff on pulled my leg up on the stirrup and told me to look at my baby's head. I looked in the mirror and saw the top of his head! At 1:00 on the dot, I started pushing. I pushed three times during the first contraction. We waited for the next one. My doctor joked that she saw blond hair and told Daniel that he was not the father!! At the beginning of the next contraction, she told me to push just a little bit, I did and she told me to look in the mirror. I looked and what I saw, I will never forget! I saw my son emerge slowly with the help of the doctor! (I didnt tear or need to be cut!) It seemed like everything was in slow motion until he popped out! My son was born at 1:04 Nov 10th! He came out screaming. He was placed on my chest immediately and Daniel cut the cord. I cant even describe the emotions running through me! It was everything I could have ever imagined and more! I couldnt stop crying! I was listening to my son cry for the first time. I had looked forward to this moment since I found out I was pregnant with Jarrett. He didnt cry at birth, so it was such a longing to hear this baby cry. It was beautiful! I am sooooooo happy!!!! The past few days have been like a dream! I dont ever want to wake up!
Thanks for reading and sorry so long lol. Here are some pics

Tre' Brownn

Nov 10, 2011 1:04pm

6lbs 12 oz 19in

And here is his birth video

False Labor Episode

36 weeks 6 days

Well, I think he is on his way out soon!!! Early Sunday morning I was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart for a while. I finally decided to see if it was real labor, so decided to see if a change of position would make them stop. They ended up slowing down so I laid back down and eventually fell asleep. I woke later that morning and had a ton of mucousy discharge. I told Daniel that I thought I might be beginning to lose my mucous plug. Later that day I was standing and felt more come out. So I went to the restroom and when I sat on the toilet, I heard a 'plop.' So, I looked into the stool and saw a chunk of mucous in there! Disgusting lol. Ever since then I have been having more discharge and  contractions off and on. Today, they would seem to be regular for a while, but then stop or slow down!! So I guess I'm still waiting! My mom thinks he will be here by the end of the week!!! I packed all the bags and everything is loaded in the car! So, we are ready go go. Just waiting for Tre'. Lol. I had intended to start walking and stuff to try and get him to come out at 37 weeks exactly, but I wanna make my diaper party on Saturday lol. But, we'll see what the baby thinks!! I will keep the blog updated of course. Whoo hoo!!!

Alllllllllll Reaaaady!!!!!!

35 weeks 6 days
43 1/2"

 Omg, I am going to be 36 weeks tomorrow!!! I cant believe it!!! That means that I have 1 more week until it is officially safe for him to come!!!! I can resume my walking and stuff again. Hopefully this gets him moving on out soon. My pastor's wife is throwing us a Celebration of Life party on Nov 5 so I would like to make that lol. Thats just next Saturday!!!! So still, not much longer. This party is in place of a baby shower. We pretty much are good to go on just about everything. I did need some more 0-3 month clothing, but my friend, who had a baby boy last Nov gave me all of her clothing, so now Im good. We just need diapers so this party is sort of a diaper/ gift card party  also. Im excited because its coed so Daniel will be able to be there!! Tre' has sunk so low into my southern regions that it is painful to walk and even lay down! He also has had a growth spurt in the last week or so because I had measured last week and was still just 42 in. Then today, for the heck of it, I measured again, and I was almost 44 in!! Crazy.
 I have been doing good staying off my feet, drinking water, etc. since the whole hospital episode. I have definitely had more contractions along with the Braxton Hicks but at this stage in pregnancy, I know that it is normal so Im not worried. Plus, as long as they arent regular in any way, Im good to go!
At my last doctor's appointment, baby's heartbeat was 143. I weighed in at 160lbs! Not even going to talk about it! Lol. My appointments are weekly now, so I will be seeing my doctor again tomorrow. She still isnt going to check me to see if I am dilated because she doesnt want to put me into labor until its safe to do so. So maybe next week, or if Im still pregnant by then, 38 weeks.
Everything is pretty much ready for the baby's arrival. All I have to do is pack bags and have Daniel install the car seat! I am also washing all the baby's clothes and stuff. Im almost done with that! I cant believe that time is here already!! Im so excited!!!!

Scare!

34 weeks 1 day

Last night, I ended up in the hospital for the second time this pregnancy. I have had BH contractions since bout 20 weeks. They normally feel just a bit uncomfortable. A couple Sundays ago, I was having more intense BH throughout the day. To the point that some would make me wince. I know that they intense as the time gets closer for delivery so of course I didnt even worry. Well, last night while at my sisters church, I started having them so strong! It started at about 6pm. Well, as the night went on they kept coming, intensifying and lengthening as time went on. They were so strong and long that I started to get very uncomfortable and didnt want to talk or anything while I was having one. I didnt say anything to my husband or sister. The service was kinda a service/concert because a national recording gospel artist was there. At one point I was standing up while the artist sang one of my favorite songs of his. While I was standing, I noticed that every time I had a BH, I would lean over a bit and grip the seat in front of me. There was so much going on that it took a minute for me to realize that I was having alot. So I sat down, grabbed my phone and started timing them. I didnt let Daniel know yet cuz I didnt want to worry him. They were coming every two minutes on the dot! They were also so intense that I was feeling pressure in my bottom during each one. I started timing at 10:18 and by the time it was 10:38, I realized that they were letting up and were getting very painful. So I told Daniel that we needed to go home so I can lay down and chug water. So we left and I told him what was going on. When I had to stop talking to wait a contraction out, he changed his mind about us going home and we headed to the hospital. I threw a fit! LOL I didnt want to go only to be told to just go home and drink water! Well we got to triage and I got changed and stuff and the nurse put the monitors on me. She said she would monitor a few contractions and if they were strong and regular, she would do a cervical check. After six or seven of them, she came back in and said, "Ok! Looks like we need to check you. Those are some pretty intense contractions and they are way to regular! So she checked me. No dilation. She said that she was pretty surprised that those contractions hadnt made me dilate and said she was going to call my doctor to see what she wanted her to do. My doctor told her to give me that one shot that starts with a B. Brethine, Brenthine, something like that. It supposed to stop the contractions. So I got the shot and after about an hour of monitoring, I was released to go home. I was told that I need to come right back in if they start coming regularly again as they could definitely cause me to start dilating. I asked  her what had happened. What could cause the contractions? SHE DIDNT REALLY KNOW!! "It  could have been you not drinking enough water today. Or your diet. Or too much activity. Or not enough rest." UGH!!!!!! So then I was like, "soooo what should I do to prevent this from happening again?" Man, she was like, "Just stay hydrated and off your feet as much as possible."
 I am the type of person that needs specific instructions. I guess I am frustrated because since there is no evident reason for what happened. I feel like I dont really know what to do to prevent it, you know? Like, I had Jarrett a little early (almost 38 weeks) after I had been put on bedrest because I had started dilating at 30 weeks and was having bh way too much. This pregnancy, my doc has me watching for any preterm labor signs. Guys, I am 34 weeks so I know that I have till 37 weeks to be "out of the woods." But, I feel like there is really no way to actually prevent anything from happening! I drink water like a thirsty dog, and I try to keep from being too active already, so what else should I do? I just dont want my baby to be in the NICU. I have already been through that and last time I left the NICU without a baby. I dont want to have to go through bonding with my baby from inside an incubator and all that stuff.  I just want to be able to pop him out and take him home with me!

I need a Wheelchair!!!!

33 weeks 6 days

Well. I am still pregnant, which is made obvious by my growing discomfort! Tre ' has settled himself into my actual vagina at this point! He literally uses my bladder as his pillow. I can feel his punches on my pelvic bone. Ouch! I am really ready for him to make his way out. His eviction notice is coming up soon. I know I will only be 34 weeks tomorrow but OMG I'm soooooo ready!!!! Everytime I walk, I really feel like he is gonna fall out. I think that he is running out of room in my belly lol. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I will get to hear his little heartbeat. Im going to ask my doctor what station is is in. It feels like 0 station, but of course I don't know for sure. I will see. I will let you know how the appointment goes. My appointments should be every week starting next week. I'm giving him till 37 weeks and then I'm going to start walking and stuff to get him out!! So not too long!!!!!


Here are some pics from the maternity shoot. For all of them visit here: Maternity Shoot

This last one is symbolizing our whole family. The locket is Jarrett's that I wear everyday. Let me know what you guys think!

So Close!!

33 weeks 1 day

I dont really have much to say because nothing really happened this week. We did take maternity photos which I will show next week simply because I dont really feel like uploading them right now lol. But, as far as updates go Tre' will definitely be here for sure by the 17th of Nov. My doctor is going our of town that day and will be gone for two weeks so I will be induced before then. Thats if I dont go into labor on my own, which she thinks I most likely will. At my last appt, she was checking for the head down position and couldnt even find it at first because he is so low! She said that he is engaged in my pelvic and completely ready and in position to come out! That would definitely explain the pressure! I havent been posting my belly size anymore because I have dropped so low that it is impossible to get an accurate measurement. My belly button is sooooo low. I feel like I look very weird lol. But, anyways we are very excited!!! I am ready for him to come!! I will be 37 weeks on Nov 2 (now less than a month) and I have decided from then on out will be Get Baby Out time! Wish me luck!!!

The Nursery!!!!!!!!!

31 weeks 6 days

I just wanted to say that the nursery is now pretty much complete!!!!!! Only thing left to do now is stain the wood on the dressers. We finished it yesterday!!!! It looks really gooooooood!!!!!
For those that are interested, here is a link to the full slideshow of the whole process from beginning to end: http://s1113.photobucket.com/albums/k509/danchele/Nursery/?albumview=slideshow
Here is the finished product!!!!!!

That Hurts!!!!!!!!

30 weeks 6 days
42"
Omg. Tre' seems to really enjoy kicking/ punching me right around my belly button! It seriously hurts so bad that it makes me cry out in pain! He also does something on my pelvic bone! It freakin HURTS! I'm so nervous that its going to get even worse as he gets bigger and stronger. I also think that I may have dropped. I am carrying him soooo low. So I can definitely expect more uncomfortableness soon Oh....Lord...
Nothing really exciting this week except my doctors appointment. I am now 153.6 pounds....yes, I gained that much in two weeks time. My doc said that since he is gonna grow a lot in the next few weeks, I can definitely expect to gain more weight. Soooooooo.....yea....
Tre' is good. His heartbeat was 146 and we think he weighs about 3 lbs.
The nursery isn't done yet. We are waiting to get a new crib before we finish. We can't use the one we had because we found out it violates safety regulations since it has a drop down. But, we will get that within the next couple weeks, so the nursery is on its way to being complete!!! Soooooooo excited!
Well, that's it for this entry. Till next time
Here is my pic for this week

We are getting ready!!

29 Weeks 6 days
42"

I cant believe that I am going to be 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Its getting so incredibly close! I dont even know what to do with myself! This past weekend we started working on the nursery!!!! A couple friends came over and helped paint. We are doing two different colors: mint green and beige. I know it probably sounds a little weird, but, trust me, it looks great together! The theme of the nursery is like a jungle, so something that a girl can live in also. We still have quite a bit to get done, so I will post pictures when its all done. I am making an album of the whole thing so I might just post the link to the album for those who may want  to see it. Yaaaaaaay!!!!
On the pregnancy note, I have been feeling waaaay tired, and contributed it to the third trimester blues. Well, last Friday I was having some pain in my chest and terrible cramping. I called my doctors office and since it was a Friday, there were no doctors in the office. So my doctors nurse told me to head on up to the hospital triage to get things checked out. She thought I might be having UTI symptoms. I called a friend, since Daniel was at work, and we headed up there. After being monitored for two hours and having my cervix checked and all that jazz, it turns out that I am just dehydrated and having Braxton Hicks. Of course, I was advised to drink more water and sent home. My nurse called while I was still at the hospital and told me that I passed my glucose (yessssssssssss) and that I am very anemic (noooooo). So,  now I have to take iron tablets to help boost my iron levels. That would explain why I have been feeling like I can barely make it to the afternoon without feeling like I am going to keel over from exhaustion!
I am glad that everything was okay. I threw a fit about having to go to the triage and I threw fits while being in there!  I did NOT want to be in the hospital at 28 weeks pregnant!! I fussed about having to put the gown on, being strapped down, having my blood taken, getting my cervix checked, and getting swabbed to see if I would go into labor anytime soon. I ended up not getting swabbed because, the night before,  Daniel and I had... ahem... lets just say two words: marital bliss.
Moooving on, I am normally not a fussy patient, I just knew that we were wasting time with all the fuss and hoo haw because I knew that this baby was not ready to make his way out. Although, he sometimes seems like he is trying to. The way he moves in my stomach feels like he is trying to  figure a way out! It hurts! He is so strong now that when he pushes up with his feet, its hard to try and get him to move. Unlike Jarrett, he doesnt move when you poke back at him. Jarrett didnt like to be touched especially on his feet, something that was very evident even after he was born. He gets that from his daddy! But, Tre' will try and find the place that you are poking at and make you aware of his presence with a swift jab! Ouch!
Well, I am now in my 4th week of school! Can you believe it! And September is already almost halfway through, which means October is coming! The month my son will be here!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Im so excited. Im soooooo ready to not be pregnant anymore! I am carrying this baby so low that I feel like I have to spread my legs to walk. I dont know what happens when I drop! Im going to need a wheelchair! And I have indigestion and heartburn so bad now that I have to take an hour to eat any meals! Literally, an HOUR! Sometimes, I burp and food will come up with the burp! Its soooo disgusting!. I belch  all day long! Like, 5-10 minutes apart. Its really awful. I was taking Tums but, now Im on to Zantac and even that doesnt seem to be working! I dont know what to do.
Oh well, I plan on having him between 37 and 38 weeks (wink) and so I keep telling myself that I only have 7 or 8 weeks left! EEEEEKKKK!!!! So excited!
Till next time!
Here is a pic I took on Labor Day

3rd Trimester here I COME!

27 weeks 6 days
41"
Well, I am a couple weeks behind, I know. I usually update every Tuesday evening since my weeks start over on Wednesdays, but last Tuesday was so crazy that I just fell into bed (couch) that evening. I had another ultrasound today and so I just decided to wait and post today instead of sometime during last week.

I started school last Monday and so far its been pretty good. I have decided to make a schedule out every Sunday on a Homework app on my phone. And so far, its been pretty beneficial. I look at the agenda for the week for each class online, then log it all into the scheduler on the app, and it lets me know what I need t o do each day. Its pretty cool. I am going to try and get ahead in a few weeks so that I can be ahead when the baby comes. I know that one of my teachers has said that I can do that, just not sure about the other two. Guess we'll just see. I am having some major issues with the financial aid department. They are taking forever to process my financial aid and I NEED MY MONEY!!!! SHOOT!! Every time I talk to someone, they tell me a different story than the previous person. I was finally told on Friday that it should definitely be ready by today. Well, today they said it should be ready by next week!! I'm seriously so annoyed!!! UGH. Daniel is also doing online schooling this semester and hopefully his refund will be ready by Friday.

On to the pregnancy and the baby! I had my glucose test today plus another ultrasound. I was told last pregnancy and this pregnancy to eat at least two hours before I drank the dreaded sugary crap because my appointments were at 11:00am last time and 1:15 this time. I certainly couldn't fast that long! Well, I woke up at 10:30 this morning and freaked out because I realized that I needed to eat by 11. It usually takes me a while to eat because I have awful pregnancy induced heartburn and indigestion so I have to eat slowly. I made two eggs and shoved them down my throat as fast as I could allow. When I got done, it was exactly 11:08. I arrived at my appointment and drank the stuff at 1:15, so I barely made the two hour mark. Now, I'm really nervous that it will mess my test results up and Id have to take the 3 hour test!!! :/ I will have the results by the end of the week so I guess I just have to wait and see.
The ultrasound was great! Daniel, my sister in law, and the godmother were all there and it was fun watching their reactions when the baby would do certain things. He kept swallowing the fluid and blowing bubbles or something cuz his mouth kept opening and closing. It was so adorable! He kept looking straight into where there wand was so we got to see his face! He is so stinking cute!! I want to do a 3d ultrasound because all of the pics that she gave us don't really show anything. We do have a cute pic of his foot! She measured him to be about 2.7lbs and average length. His heartbeat was 155, and I only gained six ounces since my last appointment! Tre' is head down, but, he still has some time to turn around, although, hopefully he wont! My appointments are every two weeks now, so instead of a month,   I will get to get him checked out in two weeks! Yaaaay!! Hopefully we can start on the nursery soon so I can feel like we are finally getting ready for his arrival!
Here are some pics, since I haven't been able to post any in awhile.

21 Weeks

27 weeks from afar  ;0

And his name shall be called....

25 weeks 6 days
40"

Well, as you can see from the title, our son finally has a name! Daniel Jarrett Brown III aka Trey! I finally talked to my assistant Pastors wife about my feelings on the name. They went through the loss off an infant also, so she is always the main person I go to for help. I told her about how Daniel was at work and the Lord showed him a vision out of no where. In it, the baby that I'm carrying now asked me what his name was. I told him it was the same as his daddy's name. When Daniel told me that, I knew that it had to be the Lord. I didn't want to fight against it, but was just uncomfortable with it. Meanwhile, The Lord showed Daniel more and more as he sought answers about the vision (which he saw as he was walking down the stairs at work). The more He revealed, the more Daniel was convinced that this had to be the name. He knew I wasn't comfortable with the idea so he never pressured me or anything. The Lord told him that I would come around. Mind you, I didn't know any of this until after I spoke to my pastors wife. She really helped me see that the feelings of guilt that I had was completely normal. I really liked the idea of the name, but was so afraid that I would always look at this baby with regret or sadness and guilt. I felt like we were taking Jarretts name since he wasn't here. She explained to me that, this baby really is going to fill that void I had with Jarrett, and that a lot of the reason why I feel this way is because I still have empty arms. But, when I have this baby, I am going to be so happy, that the sad and guilty emotions will be gone. She also said that his name isn't the same as Jarretts and that he will have his own identity. I told her that I had been praying for peace about the whole thing and she said that maybe He won't give me peace until I accept the idea of the name. Because, you can't have peace about something if you are fighting against it. She helped me a great deal that night. I told Daniel about it on our way home and that's when he told me more about this baby and the importance of his his name. Well, a couple days later, I was taking a nap, and right before I drifted off, the baby was moving around. I said something to him and called him Trey without even thinking about it. I was immediately filled with such an indescribable feeling of warmth and peace. It was the most amazing feeling! I knew then that I had finally accepted it! And now I say his name every chance I get! It's such a wonderful feeling! I love him so much and I wish these next few months would just fly by so I can put a face to his name! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

It's so hot!

24 weeks 6 days

Well, first off the wedding turned out absolutely wonderful! I'm glad I can take a break now, and I am so happy for the newlyweds. They are a beautiful couple. After the wedding, as we were headed home, I started having pain that felt like contractions every two minutes. I got a bit nervous, but I noticed my stomach wasnt getting hard, so figured it was just nothing. I went home, took some tylenol and drank lots of water, and after a while they stopped. Then a couple days later I wiped after using the bathroom, and there were red spots on toilet paper! I freaked out a bit and wiped again, and the same thing. I wiped about 3 more times, each time seeing spotting. I happened to have my monthly check up that day so, I didn't worry too much. At the appt, my doctor checked my cervix and everything looked nice and tight. So, she told me to take it easy for a couple days because I probably had just been doing too much and over exerted myself. I have been good ever since, but OMG am I tired!!! For some reason, I am incrediblely exhausted! I can barely keep my eyes open during the day. So I just nap when I can and tell myself to get prepared because this is probably how I will feel like when he baby gets here! LOL. My doctors appt went good. Baby is doing good but I didn't get a the heartbeat but I heard it and it sounded good. I am now 150 pounds!!!! I have never weighed this much in all my life lol. Apparently, I am gaining like six pounds a month! Ugh Lord, at this rate I will be like 170 by the time he gets here lol. That's not big, I know, but that's a lot since I was about 130 at the beginning of my pregnancy!
This past Saturday was Daniels birthday and I did my best to make it a day (well,night) that he would never forget! He came home from work and I had set a beautiful scene. There were rose petals and candles leading all the way to our bedroom. I had made chocolate covered strawberries and marshmellows along with baking a cake and cooking his favorite meal. I served the strawberries and marshmellows on a goodie tray with his favorite candy and some sparkling grape cider. I catered to him the whole night and made him feel like a king. Needless to say, I rocked his world and he has deemed that day to be the best birthday ever! LOL
Moving on (lol) I'm so excited to meet this baby! He is so active and I play with him all day long! It's like he never sleeps! Except when I'm sleep, I guess lol. That's a good thing right? I am also excited cuz I enrolled back into school! After taking a year off, I feel like its been forever since I was last in school. Of course I will be taking online this semester and possibly the next. I have never done online before so I am a little bit nervous, but, I'm a pretty good student and since I will be at home all day, I have plenty of time to focus and study lol. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!
Daniel and I have taken a step towards a new part-time business venture. We have been praying about it and feel that we should launch into it! Daniel will be doing most of the work while I do the background stuff, such as managing phone calls, clients, money, etc. I would say more about it but since its a public company, I am not sure I should post about it on my blog. So, we will see how this goes and hopefully it will take off.
Tomorrow, a lady who works for the state health department is coming by our house to do an interview about Jarrett. She wants to share our story and we are more than happy to be apart of it. Our story will be shares with other families who have lost a child and so we hope that we can be a help! I will let you know how it goes!
Well, til next week!

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

22 weeks 6 days
39"
Yay! Happy Anniversary to us! Today was our 3 year anniversary! We had a great day. Usually, Daniel takes the whole week off and we do fun stuff together all week. For our first, we went to Galveston/Houston, Texas and did a ton of things. Second year, I was about 4 months pregnant and still suffering through the morning/all day sickness at the time, so we really didn't do too much. Just lots of eating out, dinner theatres, and the zoo! This year, Daniel still took the whole week off but we are both so busy with preparations for the wedding I'm coordinating that we didnt plan too much. The wedding is this Friday and since Daniel is doing all of the sound work and music, and I'm running around finishing up last minute details, we decided that today would be the day we made the most of  our anniversary. We still plan to do small activities together tomorrow and most of Thursday. Today Daniel made breakfast for us. Then I rented a few movies and we enjoyed those and... ahem...quite a bit of lovin.' (whew!). Then we both got gussied up and went to dinner at one of the fanciest (and most expensive) restaurants in the city. We are now back at home getting ready to watch another movie! Aaaaaah yes, great day.
I had a bit of an emotional break down at the restaurant. I ordered an Italian dish and something about the smell made me want to vomit. The waitress took it back and replaced it with Chicken Alfredo. We had to pay a small portion of the first entree plus the Alfredo. I was very upset because I felt like my night had been ruined! I burst out crying! But, Daniel calmed me down by getting me to talk about the babies nursery lol. Then I cheered right on up when the complimentary dessert came! And since it was our anniversary, they took a digital picture of us and put it in a very nice frame! All in all, great day!
This child of mine is getting so big! I'm starting to feel very heavy and uncomfortable. I have also began to feel more braxton-hicks contractions. Of course, they aren't painful at all. But, this little bigger is definitely growing a lot. He seems to gravitate towards my right side for some reason lol. In the mornings he squirm around a whole lot. I love following him around with my hand. I just lay there and talk to him and play with him before I get out of bed. I love him already and I can't wait to meet him! Well, we are gonna start this movie, so till next week!
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Busy week!

21 weeks 6 days

Tomorrow will be the start of 22 weeks for me, so even though there isn't a whole lot to write about, I figured I'd jot down a few sentences for this past week.
This past week seemed to fly by! I am the wedding coordinator for a friends wedding. She and her soon to be husband also attend the same church as us. The wedding is next week so there is a lot left to get done. She moved into their new apartment this weekend. She will be there while he will continue to stay with his mom till the wedding. It's right around the corner from Daniel and I so we are extremely excited! We live pretty far away from almost all of our close family and friends, so we're happy to have a couple close to us. So that was part of the weekend, the next part was my sister in laws sons birthday party. We are the only ones that have a house with a big enough backyard, so since it was a pool party, we hosted! It was pretty uneventful as far as catastrophe goes lol. I mean, it was eight 4 and 5 year olds in a small pool, so yes there were a few small episodes to handle but nothing too serious lol. It was a lot of fun!
The little growth in my stomach is getting stronger! His kicks and punches are a lot more noticeable. Now I can look down and see my stomach jump when he moves. It's very exciting! I am waiting to see if he will jump on a consistent schedule like Jarrett did. He is still nameless lol. I have found a few more names that I like, but am nervous to tell Daniel for fear of rejection lol. Guess I will have to get over that soon. Well, that's pretty much it for now. Till next time!

Finally!

20 weeks 6 days
Belly: 38"

I finally figured out a way to blog from my phone! I'm so excited lol. I had no idea that I could send emails to my blog!
Well, nothing really exciting has happened in the past couple weeks. Wait, yes there is. So I had been waiting to feel the baby on with my hand so that Daniel could experience the squirming of our baby boy also. Well, I finally felt it! At 20 weeks 1 day, as he was moving around, I pressed on my stomach and he kicked/punched my hand! I was so excited! And Daniel finally felt him a couple days later. He was pretty happy and couldn't stop grinning lol. The baby is still nameless at the moment. Daniel likes the idea of naming him Daniel Jarrett Brown III and calling him Trey. I think its cute but for some reason I am a bit uncomfortable with the idea. I think maybe its sort of like I don't want it to feel like we took Jarrett's name or something. I'm really not sure yet about why I'm not sold on the idea. I feel like this name thing is as hard as I thought it would be:-(. We still have time so I'm not going to rush things.
I had a doctors appointment last week and the baby is doing good! His heartbeat was 160. I have gained six pounds since my last appointment and now weigh 144lbs. As you can see, at the top of the blog entry, I put how big my belly is. I am going to try chart my belly growth in the next few months.
Well, that's about it for now! Thanks for reading! :)
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Its A....!!!!!!!!!!

19 weeks 1 day

First off, let me say it is not my fault that I havent updated yet. My computer is not working at all or let me say, my internet isnt working lol. I am over at my friends house so I am finally able to update.
Ok, so moving on...
The day of the ultrasound comes!!! I am nervously excited as I bustle around the house getting ready to head out. My friend comes and gets me and we head up to the hospital. We were going to meet Daniel there, since he couldnt take off work that day. My friend and I talk excitedly about the possibility of having a girl and about all the cute girlie things we could dress her up in. We make our way up to the hospital and meet Daniel. We were running a tad bit late so we hurridly rushed up to the floor where my doctor's office was. I walked in and signed in. I greeted the lady behind the desk and told her I had an ultrasound. "You know Dr. B isnt here today, right?", she asked. I told her yes I did, but that I didnt necessarily need to see her today because I have an appointmemt already set up with her. Well, apparently, there is this a problem with that. I waited about 45 minutes and finally the ultrasound tech called me back. I had previously said to Daniel that I hoped she wasnt working today because she is always  so rude. Well, no such luck lol. The first thing she says to me when we got into the room was, "You know that we shoulnt be seeing you today right? Since your doctor isnt here, I really shouldnt even be doing this for you today because we arent allowed to discuss results with you. Thats your doctors job. I dont know who went ahead and scheduled you, but, you really shouldnt be here. But since you are here, we will just go ahead and do it." Im like, first of all...is all of that necessary????????  I didnt, say all that I wanted to say to her, because I refused to let her ruin my day! I just said, "Well, I have an appointment with her July 6th, so we can just discuss results then"
Anywaaaaaays, she proceeds with the ultrasound. When I see my baby for the first time, I immeditately smiled, and because I knew without her even telling me that the baby was measuring perfect this time. With Jarretts ultrasounds, you could tell that his chest was extremely small, along with his legs and arms being short. This time, I could see that this baby had long arms and legs and the chest was the correctly sized. She asked us if we wanted to know the gender. Of course, we immediatly replied, "Yes!!' she scrolled to the southern region of our little miracle baby and I saw that it was...
A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, I admit that I was pretty disappointed for a few hours after the ultrasound. I actually cried. Because, I thought that surely I cant be having another boy! I cant handle it emotionally! My mind was flooded with question after question. What am I going to name him? How am I going to deal with using the stuff meant for Jarrett for him? What if I dont love him as much as Jarrett? OH NO, this means I have to get pregnant AGAIN to have my little girl! But, after a while I began to focus on the words of the the tech: "He is measuring great and look perfect!" For someone who kept hearing dreadful words during all but one of my ultrasounds with Jarrett, hearing these words brought on a new feeling. I felt immense relief at the thought that I am carrying a baby that doesnt have problems! It was such a wonderful feeling to hear good news! I told a few people that I was disappointed about not having a girl, and they encouraged me. I am having a healthy baby boy! We also dont have to really worry about anything because we have everything we need! Jarrett was a little angel who prepared us for everything that we would need for his brother! I am very happy! Now...unto the names...:) :) :0!!!!!!!!
Also here is my 18 week photo

Faith!

17 weeks 4 days
Well, lets go back to the week Daniels family came down from New Mexico. It was a very eventful and fun weekend. My mother in law, sister in law and her two kids arrived Wednesday after noon. A few hours after my last post, I believe. They stayed the night here and then the next eveing my father in law, brother in law and HIS wife and child arrived. Daniel has two sisters and one brother. His oldest sister lives down here with us. Everybody else lives in NM. With my family lol. Anyways, his other sister, Bethany went to stay with Deyonka, while MIL, DIL, and BIL and his wife and daughter stayed with uus. We didnt really do much on Friday. Well, maybe we did lol. Friday was the day of my byopsy. Deyonka, and Bethany and crew came over at about 9 in the morning and everyone set to making breakfast. My older sister and husband are friends with Daniels brother DJ and his wife. (My sister used to live in NM also, until last summer). So she came over to visit just as Daniel and I were leaving for the byopsy.
We arrived at the hospital and immediatly got prepped for the procedure. I had to take my shirt off (I had a gown to wear) and lie down on the the bed. Two doctors came in and introduced theirselves and told Daniel and I what to expect. He said that they would numb my throat first with the anesthetic needle and then, using an ultrasound, guide a tiny needle into the nodule and remove fluid. He explained that after the numbing process ("Simply a little sting and burn...") that I wouldnt be able to feel a thing. I am of course freaking out. He was talking about waaay too many needles for my taste! So they numb my throat, and after that Daniel isnt allowed to touch anything around the area. Not my gown, shoulders, or the paper they put over my throat. I am slowly feeling myself panic as the time gets closer for him to put the needle in to numb me. (The assistant was just holding the ultrasound probe while the doctor did the actual procedure). He starts the numbing process and OH MY GOD it was more than a tiny sting and burn! It hurt like crap! It stung ALOT and burned ALOT! To the point to where I began to whimper from the pain! After what seemed like eternity, he was finally done. I was instructed not to swallow while he stuck the needle in to draw the fluid. He did it three different times, and each time I just squeezed the mess out of Daniels hand and concentrated on not swallowing. It was harder than it seems! I had to get on to Daniel cuz, since I was facing him, I could see him making faces as he was watching the procedure. He was freaking my out! Any ways, the whole thing probably lasted about 20 minutes and then we were done! I was told that I would get the results by the following Tuesday. My throat was pretty tender for about 2 days afterwards! Well, we went back to the house. My sister was still there and she ended up leaving a few hours later. After that. we went to the movies then to my FILs sisters house. (She also lives down here). Then we all went home. Saturday was the party for Nany so we spent most of the day preparing for it. It turned out to go as planned and Nany really enjoyed it. We all went to her church the next morning to close out the weekend. Everyone left later Sunday afternoon. All in all, good family time. Daniel and I are one of the lucky couples who actually get along with there in laws lol. It helps that our parents were friends before we even met! :)
Anyways, I got a call Tuesday that the doctor wanted to meet in person to discuss the results of the byopsy. This was very rattling as I had been told that I would be either given the results over the phone or in person. So, we knew that something was going on. We met with the doctor this past Thursday, the 16th. He told us that they basically cannot tell just from a byopsy that the nodule is or isnt cancerous. The pathologist didnt see cancerous cells, but there were some suspicous ones that caused some concern. Doing another byopsy wouldnt do any good. My only option would be to have it removed and looked at that way. That will require me being put the sleep which isnt good to do while pregnant, so the surgery will have to be done after I have the baby. I have another ultrasound in a month just to make sure that the nodule isnt getting bigger, but until the surgery, there is nothing that can be done. If the nodule turns out to be thyroid cancer, they might have to remove my entire thyroid! But, there is an 85% chance that it isnt cancer, and a 15% chance that it could be. Either way, removing the nodule is the only way to find out.
I was not happy about this news at all! In fact I was very angry! I didnt understand why I have to go through something like this after just having lost my baby. I wanted to be able to go throught this pregnancy with absolutely no worries. Last pregnancy, I wondered if my baby was going to die in utero. This time, I have to wonder if I have thyroid cancer! I couldnt even pray to God about it because I had no words. I could tell Daniel how I felt because he seemed so positive about it and I couldnt understand how he could be? But, last night he talked to me like only he can. He helped me to see that God is faithful. He has proven that to me my whole life. Everything that happens in this life for a Christian works together for the good. He helped me to see that everything that I go through is another oppurtunity for me to be used by God and to show me just how powerful He is. I am learning to have faith beyond my situation. Even though, we have suffered a great loss, I STILL know who God is. I know that He will show Himself strong in this situation just like He did with Jarrett. Its all about faith. Now, I can see the value of knowing Him. I am excited about learning more about Him and learning all that He has for me to do in ministry and also about the authority that He has given me through His son, Jesus. The authorithy to speak those things that are not as though they were. And the authority over the enemy, who wants to destroy me. I trust that the Lord is keeping me. He loves me. He is watching out for me and holding me in the palm of His hand. He is there for me. Through the darkness that I may feel, He is there to guide me through with gentleness. I will be ok. I will be fine. I will trust and have complete and utter faith in Him.

Meanwhile, we find out what we are having this Thursday the 23rd!!!! Daniel and my mom are back on their "Youre having twins kick," because I was telling them how I never feel the baby in the middle of my stomach like with Jarrett. I will feel the baby about 4 inches to the right of my belly button, and sometimes a few seconds later on the left and vice versa. I was wondering how fast the baby can swim over to each side lol. After I got my mom to stop saying its twins, finally she said that its probably because the baby has so much room in there that he/she is swimming all over the place. I really want a girl now and D does too! my next update will be about the ultrasound!!! Till then Blessings!

Update

16 weeks
I had my doctors appointment on Monday and everything looks good. My weight gain looks good and the babys heartbeat was 160. Dr wanted to schedule me for an ultrasound with the high risk doctor that diagnosed Jarrett. But, I refused. We dont know if this baby has the same syndrome so there is no point in us going there. I want a regular ultrasound first, and IF there is something to be concerned about, then we can go to him. I still dont have the date for my ultrasound yet. My doctors nurse, Rhonda is going to call me back with the date. I asked if I could be scheduled for next week, but Dr said that it would be better to just wait until at least 18 weeks. Ugh, so I guess I gotta wait two more weeks.
Daniels whole family from New Mexico are here in town for a birthday party for the grandmother. So, I will have houseguests for a while. I think they will be here for a week. Thats all to update for now. :)

Im tired!!!

15 weeks 3 days
Im so tired. Im so tired. Im so TIRED
In case you didnt get the msg. Im tired. This pregnancy has made me way more exausted then last time. I never want to to do ANYthing! Where is that good ol second trimester energy stuff? I need some of that! I havent been doing much of anything this week, but still so wore out. I just want to sleep till the baby gets here!! Speaking of the growth in my stomach, I think I have been feeling movement already. Well, actually Im pretty sure of it. I am 97% positive that its the baby. I cant wait to be able to feel her/him with my hand. I have a doctors appt this Monday. Hopefully, I will be able to set my ultrasound appt for the following week. For a few days, I allowed myself to give in to the anxiety I have been experiencing. It was at the 18 week ultrasound with Jarrett that we found out about his condition. So, I have been a bit nervous along with my excitement. But, I know that worrying is of the devil and not of God. Its not going to get me anywhere, so there is no point in doing it. I put my complete and total trust in the Lord. I believe with all my heart that I will have a beautiful, healthy baby in my arms by Thanksgiving. I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for me and my family. He never turned his back on me. He was there in the midnight hour when I needed him the most. Surrounding me with his peace, grace, and love. I will never leave Him.
But, I am definetly showing for sure now. But my belly looks weird to me lol. Its very full at the bottom but more flat at the top. The weird thing is my belly button is sticking out so far! Ugh, I wanna tape it down or something! I am wearing the maternity pants that were to small for me last time already. I would show pictures my stupid camerea on my phone is broken. I probably will eventually get my actual camera out and snap a few shots. I have been too lazy to find the usb cord that it comes with. :/

Busy!!!!!

14 weeks 6 days

I have been incredibly busy and sick. Well mostly just busy. My last post I talked about my sister coming down. Well that was last week, and even though she stayed over at my other sisters house (she was supposed to stay at mine, but long story, she didnt) I spent most of the time she was here over there. Then our insurance decided that they didnt want to keep paying for a prescription of Zofran every 12 days, so I went without it for a few days. It was awful! I felt awful and I was even throwing  up one day because I was so incredibly sick. We got my doctor to change my dosage to 30 in a pack instead of 12! After all that Daniel and I went out of town to sing for a friends family reunion. We left on Saturday and stayed until Monday, Memorial Day. Today has also been extremely busy. I am planning a wedding for my friend, and we worked on the wedding website pretty much until about an hour ago.
So thats been my life for the past week and a half lol. On a pregnancy note, aside from my days without the miracle drug, I have been feeling good. I am already sick of eating! And I have a long ways to go still! I think I have been feeling the baby move. I havent told anyone but Daniel and my mom because I know everyone will just think that its gas. But, I have had gas from jump and I know exactly what it feels like, and it doesnt feel like little flutters! I guess I will know for sure in a few weeks!
I will be 15 weeks tomorrow, and so at my doctors appointment next week, I am going to see if I can schedule the ultrasound for 17 weeks instead of 18. Why wait another week?? I am so excited to see what we are having. Daniel wants a girl, and I think I do too. I guess we will see!
I had my byopsy scheduled for last Friday the 27th but they ended up being way behind and when we got there the receptionist said that we would have to wait about 1 1/2 hours so we rescheduled for next Friday instead. I think that just about sums up everything so far.
WAIT!!!! Great news. After Jarrett died, I met someone online whose baby girl had died in September to something a little similar to what Jarrett had. She has been trying to get pregnant since the beginning of this year. Well, after a few disappointments, she finally got her  a Big Fat Positive last Sunday!!!!!Official due date is at the end of January. Im so excited and happy for her!!!!!
Now, I think Im done :)
Till next time!

Blaaahhh!!!

12 weeks 6 days

Im sooooo tired!!!!! That is all..................................

Ok, well, not really. I guess I have some other stuff to say. Good news! Tomorrow I will officially be in my second trimester!!!! Whoooooooooo hooooooo!!!!!!!!! Im so happy and excited!! I just have two more to goooooo!! HA!!
The baby is doing well. I had a doctors appointment last Monday and the heartbeat was 167. My next one is June 6. Its flying by! Im so ready to have another beautiful baby to hold. 5 more weeks until we find out what were having!!!!!!!! I am undecisive as too which gender I prefer. I just want a healthy baby!
Speaking of health, my doctor found a lump on my throat. She sent me to a family physician, who sent me to a thyroid specialist, who then, sent me to get a ultrasound done! Lol three appointments in one week. I never want to do that again!
Turns out that its a hard mass and I have to have a byopsy scheduled to drain the fluid out. The procedure seems to be a simple one: they will numb the area on my throat and stick a tiny needle in to drain the fluid. Its supposed to be painless, but that doesnt mean that Im not freaking out just a little bit about them sticking a needle in my throat. I HATE needles!!!!
No one has called me back yet with the date of the byopsy yet, so I sitll dont know when it will be. But, Im really not to worried because I have prayed about it and I know the Lord is in control!
One of my sisters is coming to stay with us this weekend! So very excited!!! I havent seen her since a few days after Jarretts funeral.
Ok, wait, quick history lesson: My parents have 5 kids! The oldest lives down here with me and she is married with 3 kids. Then I came. Then the next girl, who is coming down here this weekend. Then the one and only boy, and last but not least, my baby sister who is graduating high school this weekend. Every body but, the oldest and I, live in Alburquerque, New Mexico. Thats actually how Daniel and I met. But more about that later :)
That is all for now. Im going to go and lay down and think about all the things I should be doing instead!

Lol look at this!!!

This picture shows either just how small I was during my last pregnancy, or just how big I already am this pregnancy.

The first image is this pregnancy and the next one is last pregnancy.
I am almost the same size already lol. This was too crazy to me so I had to share lol

Mothers Day

11 weeks 6 days

Well, Mothers Day for me was very hard. Jarrett died on the 8th of January, so the 8th of every month has been hard. So the fact that Mothers Day fell on the 8th didnt help things at all. I woke up feeling very depressed. Daniel was already up when I finally woke up, so I just laid in the bed and cried and cried. I was overcome by feelings of grief. I wanted Jarrett in my arms so bad! I knew that this was a day that I should be celebrating the fact that I was a mother. But, the fact that I didnt feel like a mother was hard to overcome. Even though I know that I am a mother, I didnt feel like one because I dont have my son here with me. I know that I am pregnant. I know that I gave birth to a child. I know all that, but man, it was hard. During those moments, I wished with all my heard that Jarrett was right next to me. Daniel came in the room with Bentley and said that they have something for me. I was initially a little upset because I told Daniel that I didnt really want anything for Mothers Day, because I knew that it wouldnt make me feel better. But, I sat up and let him give me a hug. He talked to me and encouraged me. Then he gave me a card from Bentley. It  was the cutest thing ever. It had a dog on the front of it, and said "Thank you for being my playmate, my snuggler, and my 'Mom' " and on the inside, "I am the luckiest dog in the world!" It was signed by his paw print!! Lol. Daniel said that he tried to put mud on Bentleys paw, and then stamp it on the card. But, he said it wouldnt stick so he just traced his paw. It was the cutest thing ever! I loved it. Then he gave me a card from him. It was very, very sweet. I love my husband so much! He truly made Sunday so much easier for me. I said a prayer to the Lord: "I know that this is going to be a hard day for me, but, I know that if I can just rely on you, you will help me through it." And He did. Without the Lord and Daniel, it would have been so much harder for me. At church, all of the Dads handed out roses to their wives (and the other men handed them out to the single moms). You get a rose for each child and when Daniel came over to where I was sitting with two roses, I completely broke down. I can still feel how I felt at that moment right now, and I am crying again. I cant even explain how I felt at the moment. I knew that I would be so much harder for me if I wasnt carrying another baby right now. I love this child so much already, and I am so grateful that in 6 months I will be holding another baby in my arms. Daniel kneeled down and let me cry on his shoulder. I didnt care who saw me, I just bawled my eyes out. Afterwards, Daniel spoke to me softly again, telling me that I am the most wonderful mother in the world. He made me feel so much betther. I am not gonna pretend that the rest of the day was great, but, it did get easier. He took me out to eat becuse I really didnt want to do a whole lot. But, I am glad that the day is finally over and next year I know that it will be so much easier for me.

AAAAAAHHHH!!!

10 weeks 6 days
I cannot believe that I will almost be done with the first trimester! Can you believe it??? Im so freakin excited!!! Like seriously!!!! I should probably calm down a little though because I know that I still have a long way to go. But AAAAAAAHHH!!! I will be 11 weeks tomorrow!! Already!!!! Yay me!!! On the pregnancy note, I still feel pretty good. Once I get past the morning I start to feel better as far as the nausea goes. I take Zofran immediately when I wake up so I imagine that it could be a little worse if I wasnt. I still havent thrown up yet, thank God. WAH??? Could I possibly have been skipped when the morning sickness doom was passing over all the pregnant women??? Guess we'll see. This pregnancy is definitely different than last time with Jarrett. Like, around this time I was just so sick! This time Im just realllly fatigued ALL the time! Its ridiculous! *sigh, patiently waiting for the second trimester energy*
Welp, I quit my job!!!!
B was getting unbareable. I turned in my resignation the day after my last post. She took it way too well and told me that I could even just finish out the next week instead of doing a full two weeks. It seems that she must have wanted me gone, because she was like a completely different person afterwards!!! Like, at one point, while she was standing next to me talking, she reached out and touched my shoulder and get this....SMILED at me!!!!! I was like oh wow, she doesnt have fangs after all.
My mom said that she really must have wanted to get rid of me because I was considered a liability since I am pregnant and stuff. B even told me that after I have that baby the I am more than welcome to come back!
HMMM...thats gonna be SUCH a tough decision to make!!! WHATEVER!!!
I did actually like working there, (just not for her). The new GSS that she hired was NOT doing so well. Everyone kept coming up to me, begging me to stay cuz the new girl was messing up their scheduling books and stuff. My favorite manager even said she wishes I could stay. My last day was this past Saturday, and everyone gave me hugs and told me they would miss me and wanted to make sure that I send them baby shower invites. (The esthetician made me promise to come back for a brazilion wax when its close to have the baby, lol) I cried a little bit when I left because I was thinking how it sucked to be forced to leave a job that I actually enjoyed because of a trifling manager who has a heart of stone! Loser!
I will be looking for other jobs, cuz I need to keep busy to keep my mind off worring so much about this baby. I love him/her so much already! Its kinda been a little hard lately because I can remember this time with Jarrett so well and it makes me sad that he isnt here. I was sort of dreading Mothers Day. I just didnt yet know how I was going to feel yet on that day. I guess maybe I didnt feel like a mother since I am not taking care of a baby at the moment. But on happier days, I get joy out of knowing that I am a mother. A good one. I took care of my first born while I carried him. I labored with him, and pushed him out in four good pushes. I was by his incubator doing everything for him I was allowed to, as long as I was allowed to. When he was in pain, I soothed him the best that I could. Although he never got to use it, I pumped exclusively for him. Through painful, horrific engorgement and a horrible bout of thrush from using a cloth breast pad. I would stand in the shower bawling as I let the hot water run over my painfully engorged breast, refusing to give up pumping because of the hope that maybe, just maybe, one day he will drink the milk my body made just for him. I loved my child with all of my heart, body and soul. And now I am carrying another chance to pour out my love. I AM a mother!

Drama!!!

9 weeks 2 days
Whew! Its been like foreeeeevvverrr! Well, I guess a little over a week, but still...
I have been so busy and so tired that I havent had the energy to blog lol. Omg, I cant believe Im so far along already, time seriously seems to be going sooooo fast! Before, I know it, it will be my second trimester!
Ok so, the drama all presides at work! So, after I started bleeding and cramping, I was given a doctors note that said that I needed to sit frequently. Well, after a couple weeks, my manager,(whom I will call B) who is THE most trifling person I have ever met, starts acting as if the stool that I had brought to work was "in the way and not very professional" (her words exactly). She called me into the office last Friday and told me that I needed to get rid of the stool. She wanted me to get another doctors note stating exactly how many hours I can stand before I would need to sit and take a 15 minute break. Im like WHAT THE HECK! Im trying to avoid a miscarriage here!! She says that instead of working four days a week (three of them being in a row) we could take me down to three days a week and maybe that will help.They hired a new GSS so it would be ok for me to work a day less. Ok, so, I get the doctors note and I called up to my job on Tuesday tell her that I have the note, and will I be off starting my three day week this week or next. She responds, "Well, I didnt say you would be starting that schedule soon, I meant like in the future after we get the other GSS trained..."
Hmmm....in the future? I have been cramping severly whenever I stand long periods of time...there is no "in the future!"
She is straight up trippin for real!!! I really havent even begun to touch on how crazy she has been acting. Towards me!!!!! More than one person told me that its because she is jealous of me because she cant have kids of her own. I have heard that she started treating another girl bad once she became pregnant. This lady is just seriously not even trying to work with me at all! I went and talked to her today about taking off on Thursdays instead of Fridays (since me and the other GSS both work on Thursday). She said no, because Thursday is mainly training day for her. Which doesnt make since, because she is training everyday she  comes in! She wants to work Fridays, but B wont let her! Probably because Friday is the day that I want off. Ok, so then I asked if we could just cut my hours on the days that I work. She says, " Nope, because I really need you from 9-4" "I work 9-5, not 9-4," I responded. "Whatever!" was her exact response!
Uggggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!! She has completely made me and Daniel very upset. One of the other managers came to me and told me that either I should take this to the next level (as in talk to someone higher than B) or do what is best far me and my baby. She even admitted that B is being out of control and very insensitive. She told me that B had a problem with my second doctors note!! The one she told me to get!! She doesnt want me to take my 15 minutes of break because when I leave, that means someone else has to cover for the desk. Well, when I had my stool, that wasnt a problem now was it????
Daniel and I are both fed up with this and we have decided that its best that I quit...soon. So thats what Im going to do! Yesterday, I cramped so bad that I called Daniel bawling my eyes out. I was so scared! I cant lose this baby. I cant
On a more positive note, I still havent had any real bad morning sickness yet! Im afraid to keep telling people that, for fear that I will like jinx myself lol. I am pretty nauseous in the mornings, but still havent thrown up yet.
I am sort of showing now, all tho its mostly bloat:
Here's the pic a took last Wednesday:

When I press on it, all a feel is skin and muscle lol. IM FAAAAAAAT!!!!!! Lol.
Aite, I will holla next lata!


(is anybody reading these?)lol

Ultrasound!!

April 13

8 weeks

We had the ultrasound on Monday and I am pleased to say that I was right! There is just one baby in my belly! Although, when the utrasound tech put turned the machine on, I saw two dots! I immediatly freaked out and almost started crying! I was like, "what is that!!!!!???" Ha. But she said that the other dot is the yolk sac and that it will dissapear soon. I was like, Oh, Ok. Baby was measuring at 7 weeks 5 days so my due date in now Nov 23rd instead of the 21st. Which makes me 8 weeks today!!
Here is our sons sibling:

We are so excited! It is still very bittersweet because I sometimes wonder if I am replacing Jarrett in my mind, with thoughts of the new baby. I wont ever forget my beautiful baby, and I still miss him so much. This is a very bittersweet time.
Well, Everyone knows that we are pregnant now! At church on Sunday, we were celebrating our Pastors 11th anniversary service. There was a guest pastor from another city who was preaching. Well, he was talking about how when you lose something, you always gain something else. Suddenly, he looks over at Daniel  (who was on the organ) and says, "Is your wife pregnant?" OMG lol. Daniel is shocked, so he just simply grins, and nods one time. Pandomonium broke out! Everyone starts sceaming and crying and running to me to give me a hug and tell me congratulations. It interrupted the whole service, but was a very joyful moment. My church family was literally responding as if they all got news that they won the lottery or something. I mean, literally, everyone was out of their seats, crying, jumping up and down, and screaming. Needless to say, it was awesome!
And Daniel and I put the ultrasound pic on Face book to announce the pregancy. It was great. Unexpected, but great. So now, Secret is Out!! ha

Its Starting..:(

7 weeks 4 days
I have been getting pretty nauseous starting at exactly 7 weeks. Worse than I have been. I still havent thrown up yet, but suspect I will soon. I have no appetite, but have been hungry like every hour and half! Its awwwwwful!! I dont ever want to eat anything at all lol. Nothing sounds good to me. Ugh..I was hoping I wouldnt have to go through it this time around, GUESS NOT!! I have been sooooo tired lately also! And constipated! Like crazy! Its awful. Im going to have to do something about it quickly because Im not about to deal with this too long lol.
Im so excited because Mon April 11th is my first prenatal appointment! I cant wait to hear our babies heartbeat! And see the little bean lol. I am soooo excited! I cant believe that I will already been 2 months on Monday! Its so crazy how fast time went. Now I only have a month till the first trimester is over! Yaaaaay!

Working Again

6 weeks 4 days

Well, I started working again Thursday. Wait, first let me tell you about what happened with the blood test that I took on Wednesdy. This was to check my levels to see if they had risen from 3,125 from last Wednesday. Well, they did! This Wed. a week after my last blood test, they were 37,602!!! They definitely rose! So my doc thinks that I am good! She says that I still need to take it very easy since I am still in the first trimester, but it doesnt look like Im going to miscarry anytime soon! Woot!!!!!! Daniel was researching what my  high levels mean  (my nurse said that they are pretty high, but just means its a healthy baby.) Well, he looked it up anyways and is now totally convinced that Im carrying twins! HaHa! He showed me a site where they were showing what the levels would be for each week in twin pregnancies. At six weeks it was in the 36,000 range. So I showed him a site that I found that said that in a singleton pregancy, at 6 weeks. the levels range from 1060 to 56,000. LOL. He didnt really have anything to say about it after that. :)

Well, anyways, about work. So I have a doctors note saying that I need to be off my feet frequently. Well, at my job, nobody really has anywhere to sit. I am a salon coordinator for a beauty and spa, so of course the stylists stand all day. But, I have a desk with no chair, Apparently, its against company policy to have a chair at the desk! So when I showed my boss the note from my doctor, there was and still is a big hooodaah about what I should do! I mean, get me a freaking chair!!!! Its not that hard to figure out!!!
Well, my manager was all like, "Well, I guess we can buy you a stool to sit on, and if my boss gets on to me about it, we will figure something else out." real sarcastic like. I told her that I will bring my own stool! They are so funny actin! For realz!!!!! Today, she came up to me and was like, "Its fine if you sit while its kind of slow, but when it gets busier, you need to stand because it doesnt look good to customers when youre sitting down." Like, customers dont see someone sitting behind a desk all the time! Ugh. You best believe I still sat!!! I mean, I have alot of other duties besides  paper work and stuff, so I was up way more than I should have been. But, I definitely sat. Im am not about to risk losing another baby because of some stupid rule. Daniel will make me quit before that happens lol. So we will have to see how the rest of this goes :)
Man, I have been getting nauseous everyday since Monday hit! Its SUCKS!!! Especially being at work. I really hope it doesnt get worse because I already feel like I cant handle it!
I guess we'll see. Besides, that, I think its starting to hit me that I am going to be having another baby!
Whew, this is going to be an emotional roller coaster, I just know it!

Update

6 weeks

Well, I have been staying completely off my feet. Well...for the most part. Its kinda hard when there is stuff that needs to be done lol. I didnt go to work Saturday, or church Sunday, or work today. I spoke to Rhonda and she said that I need to come in to do another blood test to check and make sure my levels are still going up. I told her I havent spotted or anything since that first time on Friday. I have been cramping on and off, but I think its back to how it was since I first found out that I was pregnant. I am starting to really feel pregnant now. Like along with the extreme fatigue, sore boobs, frequent urination, crampiness, and increased appetite, I am starting to feel nauseous if I dont eat right away. Ugh!! That makes me not want to eat at all! You know what? I am so bloated that it looks like im showing already! Im only six weeks! But  seriously, my stomach has already gotten bigger. A few friends that know Im pregnant commented on my belly. One was like, rubbing it! I told her to stop rubbing my fat!!! I showed Daniel that my belly button was already starting to pop out through my clothes and he was like, "I hope you dont be surprised if its twins, cuz, seriously, you are already showing" I argued that 1) I just had a baby four months ago, so my muscles already know what to do, 2) I am very bloated 3) If the all the above isnt the reason, then its because I have been eating alot!
I cant wrap my mind around the possibility of twins. I really would just rather be pregnant with one, just because I know its hard to be pregnant with twins. And I dont really want to go on bedrest or anything,  cuz twin pregnancies are considered high risk. But, those are my emotions speaking for the most part. I know, that it would be considered a true blessing to have twins, and if the Lord allowed me to be pregnant with them, then I know that I will be ok. BUT...would not mind a singleton at ALL!!! HAHA
Heres my bloated belly:

P.S my belly had pretty much went flat again like a month after I had Jarrett. I have already been wearing my tighter shirts again, but not since last Sunday when I noticed that i was gettin a pudge! lol

Whew!!!!!

5 weeks 4 days

Ok, so this morning I went to the bathroom and wiped and saw pink. I wiped two more times and pink again. I have been cramping on and off for a few days, so naturally I sort of got nervous. I kept trying to call my doctor but had to work from 9-5 and am not really by my phone, so missed the nurses call. Any way, I had went on Wed to get my blood drawn just so that they could check my HCG levels to make sure they are going up. Well like I said, I just couldnt get in touch with the nurse. We just kept missing each others calls. And I guess they dont leave msgs on voicemail or with the spouse lol! So back to today, I am still unable to reach her. So I add the pink along with  the cramping and the fact that I still dont know if my levels have doubled like they were suppose to, and IM ON MAJOR FREAK OUT MODE!!!!! Well, I finally got a hold of the on call nurse after I got off work. She told me to stay off of my feet for sure until I get a hold of Rhonda (my doctors nurse) on Monday, and see what she says. Meanwhile, even though she was on her way home, she told me that she would check on her computer to see what the results were from my blood test. Well she called me back and it looks like I might be good!!! Last Wed (16th) my HCG was 184 well this Wed (a week later 23) it was 3,125!!!!!!!!!! She said it more than doubled!!! Woot Woot!!!! Ugh, talk about immense relief! Even though I still have to take it easy and stuff until we find out what my doctor wants, I still feel like I can breathe again! :)

SERIOUSLY!!!!!

People seriously dont know when to shut up! So, I have the story of Jarrett posted on this one forum. Well today I get this comment from some lady saying that she doesnt understand why I didnt just ask God for complete healing instead of just more time with him? Then she said that she just wishes that he would have survived so that God can be glorified! She also said something like, well I know people only have a measure of faith.. WHAT THE HECK IS SHE TALKIN ABOUT! I mean does she seriously not think that we didnt ask that Jarrett be completely healed? What kind of parents does she think we are? She actually is saying that she thinks that we didnt have enough faith for God to just comepletely heal him.  And for her to basically say "I just wish he would have survived so that God can be glorified.." WOW!!!!! I had responded saying, "Um.. I guess you didnt understand. Let me explain. Yes, we did pray that God heal Jarrett completely, and we had no doubt that he could. Did you seriously think that we didnt pray for our childs survival? WOW!! But, even more, we prayed that Gods Will be done and that if His will were to have Jarrett with him like the doctors said, then, if we could have more time with him. And thats exactly what He did!!! You said you wished he would have survived so that God could be glorified..um NEWS FLASH: He WAS STILL glorified!!"
Ugggggh!!!!! How can someone be sooooo insensitive!!!! Of course, I called Daniel fuming, and he made a good point: People are not always gonna understand what we went through. Its a public website, and some people are fickle enough as to write whatever pops up first in their brains (my words not his) He reminded me that I didnt post Jarretts story to argue anything, but to simply share the goodness of God.
.....so I deleted my response and her stupid comment. BUT, im still very upset about this and wish very much to meet this woman face to face!!

To tell or Not to tell

5 weeks 1 day

Well, I am 5 weeks now! Lol, like thats anything all that great lol. I guess, its coo cuz tomorrow it will be a whole week since I found out! Man, I have been eating like CRAZY! Its like I am constantly hungry! My stomach is always growling! I dont remember being this hungry last pregnancy. I really hope I stay like this tho, as weird as that may sound. Cuz, my last pregnancy, i just never had an appetite! At all! Like I would be hungry, but have to make my self eat, even when I wasnt nauseous. I dont mind being hungry as long as food actually sounds good to me. I have been more tired than usual, thats for sure. Like right now, I can barely keep my eyes open. Im waiting for Daniel to come home to take a nap, cuz I will be highly upset if I go to sleep and he wakes me to say hi (which he most likely will).
I told my pastor last night that we are having another baby, and he is soooo ecstatic! Only a few other people know about the pregnancy: My immediate fam, Daniels immediate fam, our designated Godparents, and a few other very close friends. We havent made the announcement to our church yet. We wanted to wait a little why. Well, Daniel wants to wait a little while lol. I dont understand why we should wait, I mean, we dont believe in the whole "wait till three months to announce" thing. But, he doesnt really want to deal with al the questions that we will get: "Are you guys nervous?" What if this baby has the same thing Jarrett did...." I wouldnt be surprised if somebody asked us that. Some people just dont have a filter! But either way, I dont understand why waiting a little while will diminish our chances of people asking questions, but of course, I respect my husbands decision, so mums the word! But, uggggggghhhhh! Its driving me craaaaaaaaaazy lol. I am bursting with excitement lol. He did say that we will talk about it soon. Plus, how long will it be before I start showing? I am pretty skinny and have been bloated, and it already looks like a small bump. Keep in mind that I lost my baby weight from Jarrett very quick. Like, my stomach was actually sorta flat again and  except for some very loose, stretch marked skin, you couldnt really tell I had a baby.
I noticed on Sunday that I have a little pudge now, so at church while singing on the praise team, I had to keep my stomach sucked in lol. Well, I guess we'll  see how long I can hide it. :)

Sad

Today for some reason was really emotional for me. Even tho I worked at my new job today (from 9-4) and it kept me pretty busy for the most part, I kept having moments where I felt like I would cry, thinking about Jarrett. I just have some days where I struggle harder than other days. Today, I really miss my baby :( I am so incredibly excited for the new baby that we will have soon. But, man, I want to hold my son one more time. I kept thinking of the way it felt for him to die in my arms. It was the first time that I could really hold him the way that a mother should hold her baby. I previously could only hold him while he was on a pillow and had to be very still because he was intibated and so I couldnt move or I would pull at the tube down his throat. So that day as he was slowly dying, they took the tube out, so I was able to hold him close to me. As his heartrate was declining, Daniel started to pray to the Lord for strength and at one point he said "..and we ask that you take our son into your arms.." and I kid you not, I literally felt Jarrett lift out of my arms for a second. It was so real that I  had my eyes closed and felt like I wasnt holding him anymore! I opened my eyes and asked Daniel what was that, and he was just staring down at Jarrett wide eyed. He finally told me that right when he said that, Jarretts lifeless body arched upward! He hadnt been moving that whole time! It was such a beautiful moment! But all day today I kept thinking about feeling his warm skin growing cold and his body getting heavier and heavier. *tears* I miss my baby. I miss my son. I miss him!!!!

New Job!

4 weeks 3 days

I started my new job today!!!!! The same day that I found out that I was pregnant, I found out that I got the job that I really wanted! It is sort of an administrative position, but Im not in charge of anybody or anything, just have managerial duties. I only went through orientation today so nothing to exciting happened.
This is gonna be a very interesting job. I am very excited! Its gonna be something that I will be able to do throughout pregnancy. I will be on my feet some but not too much which is like so foreign to me. All of my previous jobs, I was on my feet for the most part. (Bridal Consultant, Beautician). So its like "huh, people sit down at work?"
Today I had like 18 kids over at my house today. Its the last day of spring break, and every year our Youth and Young Adults group at my church plans a whole list of activities the whole week during spring break. Today their activitiy was to record a song! Daniel and I have a studio in our house so naturally they came over here! I wasnt here for most of it, but when I was, it was like....kids...kids...kids!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
Luckily, they cleaned up before they left, well for the most part. I just had to vacuum..alot!
We have a new puppy, who was actually born on my birthday Dec 17 last year, so he is only about 4 months old. His name is Bentley and he was a HUGE hit today. He loved the attention to lol. He is Golden Retreiver/Catahoula mix, but looks only like a Golden Retreiver

Here he is



Well as far as pregancy, I have symptoms but they arent bugging me too much since they are mostly the same ones that I got when I was getting ready to get my period:

Sore, achy boobs

Fatique

Increased Appetite

Moody(ish)

Frequent Urination (I guess this ones a real pregnancy symptom
Crampy (this is a new one for me cuz I didnt have it with my last pregancy this early)
Guess thats about it so far. I really hope I dont get morning sickness with this one. With Jarrett, I started getting nauseous at 7 weeks, started throwing up at 8 - 16 weeks, and remained nauseous throughout the remainder of the pregnancy! Ugh! What are the chances I dont have it with this one? Ha